Psylocke's Shadow (crimson_soul) wrote,
Psylocke's Shadow

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Why the heck not

O.K., so, i've never been good at putting my thoughts down on paper, but I have to start somewhere, right? A lot of crazy and probably very normal things have been going on in my life. At the end of June I was getting kicked out of my house, scheduled to move back in with my parents in LA (god awful place to visit, much less live) due to lack of decent job. I had a boyfriend, Snake (the animal he likes best doesn't suit him at ALL), who I still, curse it all, love very much. Now I have 2 jobs, a way out of debt, and a cool place to live, but no Snake.
We went out for over a year, and thinking back, I don't think he loved me after the first 6 months. PS- for all of you who hate ramblers, you might just want to stop reading now.....well, you've been warned. I have a really sweet and capable sister, the Brat, whom I love very much and worry about constantly in spite of her being able to take care of herself better than I can take care of myself. Snake and I got into the silliest arguments over literally nothing. The last one, after we broke up I might add, was during a game. Honestly, we weren't really arguing, it just felt like it. He was trying to get a point across about something, but when we tried to understand and then explain what we thought, he basically told us to shut up and get on with game. This is the real kicker however; game was on Sunday. Here it is, almost...never mind, it IS Thursday, i I still can't get it out of my mind. I almost feel I should apologize, but he really doesn't deserve one. Bits, the GM deserves one for the outburst of temper I rashly displayed, but not the Snake. I want him to hurt as badly as he hurt me, but my heart still breaks at the thought of causing him pain.
My first love, my first real "get lost", and I still don't know why. I still can't help but feel that it's my fault he's gone, in some way. I don't think I could have given him more than I did, not and stayed true to myself anyways. I did warn you about the rambling. I haven't had much sleep, and will probably be wholly embarrassed in the morning but for now, thats it.
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